Blair Witch (2016)

The summer of 1999 was a memorable one. A rare holiday to New York coincided nicely with the release of some movies that excited the palate. Deep Blue Sea arrived with zero expectations and yet managed to be as entertaining as it was preposterous and arguably the most enjoyable shark movie in a quarter of a century. Next up, another absolute joy to behold in Lake Placid, a film that exceeded all expectations with its sharply written, humour laden script as well as its rather loveable killer croc. It demanded a second viewing, and got one.

There was a film by M. Night Shyamalan about a kid who sees dead people just around the corner that would become a huge box office phenomenon. Yet the buzz film of the summer was a tiny little indie film that Artisan films had acquired for a measly $1 million. With all shows “sold out”, it was tough getting tickets for this movie. We had to wait days to get a seat, and when we did, the admittedly modestly sized cinema was jam-packed with people sitting all over the stairs and corridor as well. Not an inch of the theatre unoccupied. The film was in its opening week of release and hardly playing at a handful of theatres worldwide, and yet the buzz was deafening.

The Blair Witch Project had arrived as a turning point in horror cinema with its novel and highly effective “reality style” approach. The legend had already been nurtured through the internet to a mythical status. The town of Burkittsville and the myth of Rustin Parr and the Witch became folklore by the time the movie arrived. Done so cleverly, a line between fake news and fact blurred like never before. People went into the cinema not knowing what to expect, and almost everyone came out asking the question, “was this true or is it just a movie”. The extent of the whole “Blair Witch Myth” was spun so perfectly that it was about as “real” and authentic as a movie could ever be. A real “snuff” movie, as it were!

Then there was the post-B Blair Witch era, which isn’t quite over with the “found footage” and reality style being taken in different directions with varying degrees of success. There was the uniquely effective Paranormal Activity and the entire sub-genre it spawned that, like most successful styles, it has been done to death repeatedly. In the last couple of years, we have had Sasquatch movies in a Blair Witch style and even in Pakistan, we had a clone called Aksbandh, so the genre has been milked for all its worth nothing fresh about the genre as it was back in 1999.

So, in the interim, the rights to the Blair Witch have lapsed to Lionsgate who sensing easy money, decided to remake the original for a new generation of cinema-goers, hoping that lightning would strike in the same place once again. The greatest hurdle for Lionsgate’s version would be that nothing about Blair Witch that was fresh and unique and groundbreaking in 1999, remains so today. It is quite the reverse; the genre has been flogged like a dead horse way beyond the grave, and if it were to succeed, it would surely need reinvention, not regurgitation.

Unfortunately, the new incarnation of Blair Witch is almost identical in style to the first film, a retread of the first films with a few insignificant tweaks and cosmetic changes along the way. The other aspect is that while the original’s amateur acting fit perfectly into the scenario, our proper actors this time around appear to be exactly what they are: actors. The whole exercise is lost in translation as a “reality show” featuring scripts, and real actors and professional cameramen with lighting. Even a soundtrack adds to the hollowness of the film falling flat in attempting to create the illusion of reality. It simply comes across as a hack attempt at milking a genre that has already been milked to death to squeeze some more dollars out of unsuspecting audiences. The film fails to work on any level, and the resounding question would be “why”.

Blair Witch (2016) has arrived way past its sell-by date and works best as a bad parody of the 1999 classic; humourless, clueless, idealess, and a total waste of time and money. An utterly useless film that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. Watch the trailer and be done with it.